"Is That a Corn Pop You're Wearing?"

So this is about the time I was the World's Worst Guest Teacher.

I'd been invited to talk with the young women of our congregation about Eternal Marriage. Chad was to share a few thoughts too. He was the bishop of our ward at the time. 

I spent a long time thinking about and preparing for what I wanted to talk about, and how to make it interesting. But when it came time to execute, things kind of broke down. (#understatement)

It was a crazy Sunday morning, which it always was during that season of my motherhood. So I had run home during Sunday School to grab my Cute Printouts and my Interesting Visual Aids, and a large whiteboard on which I had written, in my best calligraphy, an Inspiring Quote. 

I was running late, and so rushed into the church and into the Young Women's room. They were already there, waiting, so I hurriedly set up my things and then let them get started.  

Once I stood up and began teaching, things started going downhill. Fast.

First, I realized that the oh-so-meaningful-quote I had written on the whiteboard, and then set up on an easel, had somehow rubbed up against something en route to the church, so what I had actually displayed on an easel was a few unrelated words and a giant green smear. 

I nervously laughed about displaying a smear, and then started in to the lesson. But one of the girls, Natalie, my neighbor, interrupted. She pointed to me. "What is that?" 

"What is what?"

"Is that a Corn Pop you're wearing?"

Apparently, while I was in my rush at home gathering supplies, a corn pop from the wreckage of breakfast had attached itself to my dress, and stayed there. And there it was. A edible barnacle front and center on my dress.

So I picked at it like I was an ape grooming, said, "Yup." And threw it in the general direction of the trash.

The lesson floundered a bit, but then I had an out when it was Chad's turn to talk for a bit. I needed to grab something from the library, so I determined to quietly, reverently, and inconspicuously slip out the door to the hall while he was speaking. Except instead, I quietly, reverently, and quite conspicuously slipped through the door into the large walk-in closet of the room. Because I was looking out to the classroom as I slipped through it, I didn't realize my mistake until I was standing among Girls Camp boxes and Value Color tablecloths. 

I sat there for awhile in the dark, wondering how to quietly, reverently, and inconspicuously walk back out into the room and then into the hall.  Finally, I determined it was time to come out of the closet. 

I creaked open the door. The entire room had stopped, their eyes trained on me and the door, just wondering when I was going to emerge.  I sheepishly sidled out of the closet and tried to nonchalantly saunter to the door to the hall. But the girls weren't having it. 

They laughed. I blushed, then giggled. And then the rest of the lesson was a bust. I am quite confident that no one went home with a greater appreciation for eternal marriage. But the phrase, "Is that a Corn Pop you're wearing?" was consigned to Young Women infamy.